Ye kahani meri hai. Main Uttar Pradesh se hoon, ek chhote se gaon se jo Shahjahanpur zile mein padta hai. Do saal pehle main Hyderabad aaya rozgar ki talaash mein. Yahan main painting ka kaam karne lga – chhote-chhote ghar se lekar bade apartments tak, jahan bhi paint ki zarurat hoti hai.
Mera naam Vishal hai, lekin dost mujhe Vishali bulaate hain. Wajah meri shakal hai. Main dekhne mein bilkul chikna hoon – chehra gol, gaal phoole hue, jaisa ladkiyon ka hota hai. Na daadhi hai, na moochhen. Rang gora hai, haath-paanv patle, aur jism bhi ladkiyon jaisa naram hai. Mere dost aksar mazaak udaate hain, kehte hain, “Tujhe toh ladki hona chahiye tha yaar, kya waste hai tu ladka hoke.”
Pehle-pehle toh mujhe bura lagta tha. Chehra laal ho jaata tha sharm se. Lekin dheere-dheere pata nahi kya hua, unki yahi baatein mere dimaag mein baith gayin. Raat ko jab main akela hota, toh sochta ki kash main sach mein ladki hota.
Phir internet pe porn dekhna shuru kar diya. Pehle toh normal ladki-ladka wala dekhta tha, lekin dheere-dheere mera interest ladkiyon se zyada ladkon mein ho gaya.
Khaaskar woh videos jismein ladka doosre ladke ke saath… woh dekhkar mera lund bina haath lagaye hi khada ho jaata tha.
Phir ek din himmat karke maine apni hi body explore karni shuru ki. Bathroom mein jab akela hota, toh haath neeche jaata, gaand ke ched pe ruk jaata. Pehli baar jab ungli daali, toh ajeeb sa dard hua lekin saath mein ek ajeeb si kashish bhi.
Jaise koi raaz khul raha ho. Uske baad toh main roz yahi karta. Kabhi ungli, kabhi bathroom mein shower ki pipe daal leta, aur jab zyada mood hota toh room mein akele kela lekar usko andar-bahar karta.
Woh feeling… bas kuchh aur hi thi. Aisa lagta jaise main sach mein kisi aur duniya mein chala gaya hoon. Aankhein band karke sochta ki koi ladka mujhe chod raha hai, meri gaand maar raha hai. Aur phir jhadne ke baad sach mein aisa lagta jaise main behosh ho gaya ho, itna sukoon milta tha.
Lekin hamesha darr bhi laga rehta tha. Yeh India hai bhai, yahan aisi cheezein chhupani padti hain. Agar kisi ne dekh liya ki main apni gaand mein kela daal raha hoon ya ungli kar raha hoon, toh meri izzat ki dhajjiyaan udd jaayengi. Mere ghar wale toh kabhi muh nahi dikhane denge. Isi liye main hamesha chhup-chhup ke karta.
Bathroom mein ghuskar shower chalata, awaaz dabaane ke liye radio bhi chalata. Ya phir jab room mein akele hota toh darwaza band karke, chaadar ke neeche, billesh ki awaaz na aaye iska khayal rakhta.
Jis din chhutti hoti thi, poora din main yahi karta. Subah uthkar nahata, phir bathroom mein porn lagata, aur gaand mein ungli karte-kharte jhad jaata. Phir dopahar mein dobara, aur shaam ko teesri baar. Din bhar yahi chalta rehta. Lekin dil kabhi bharta nahi tha. Hamesha lagta ki kuchh missing hai.
Ek din ki baat hai. Subah-subah mujhe Karkhana jaana tha, Secunderabad ke paas. Main Begampet bus stand pe khada tha, Garmi bahut thi, aur maine ek halki pink rang ki shirt pehni thi jo mere badan se chipak rahi thi paseene se.
Bus aayi. Main andar gaya, peeche ki taraf window seat pakad li. Bagal wali seat khali thi. Main soch raha tha ki shaayad poori journey main akela hi baitha rahoon, lekin itne mein ek aadmi aaya.
Umar kareeb 35-40 saal ki hogi. Kaala rang, badan thoda bhaari, daadhi chhoti si thi. Usne conductor ki uniform pehni thi – wohi gandagi wali khaki shirt aur pant, jismein ticket punch karne wala machine latka hua tha. Wo meri bagal Mein baith kar meri ticket katne lga. maine paise diye aur aur usne ticket.
Pehle toh woh theek se baitha, haath apne ghutnon pe rakhe. Main bhi seedha baitha tha, khidki se baahar dekh raha tha. Lekin kuchh der baad bus jab tez chalne lagi, toh usne apna haath mere thigh pe rakh diya.
Mera poora badan current sa kaundh gaya. Main ekdum chihunk gaya, jaisa kisi ne chhoo kar bhaag jaane wali cheez ki ho. Maine turant uska haath hata diya aur uski taraf gusse se dekha.
Usne dekha ki main jaag raha hoon, toh poochha, “Roz jaate ho wahan?”
“Ha… haan,” maine kaha.
“Kya karte ho wahan?”
“Main panting ke Kaam karta houn” maine kaha.
“Bas paint hi karte ho ya aur kuchh bhi?” usne pucha.
Woh baat kar raha tha aur main uski baaton mein ulajh gaya. Itne mein usne phir se apna haath mere jhangon pe rakh diya. Is baar zyada zor se, zyada confidently. Aur phir sahlane laga. Upar se neeche, neeche se upar.
Mera lund, jo aise hi control mein nahi rehta tha, turant khada ho gaya. Meri halat kharab ho gayi. Main kuchh bol nahi pa raha tha, sirf uski taraf dekh raha tha. Usne meri nazar pakdi aur muskuraya.
Phir usne apna haath mere lund ke upar se hi sahlana shuru kar diya. Mera poora badan kaanp raha tha. Maza bhi aa raha tha aur dar bhi lag raha tha ki kahin koi aur na dekh le.
Itne Mein, “Karkhana! aa gaya!”
Main uthne laga. Mera dil zor-zor se dhadak raha tha. Lekin Suresh – haan, uska naam Suresh tha, baad mein pata chala – usne mera haath pakad liya.
“Ruko,” usne kaha, “Baitho. Last tak chalo, ticket mat lena.”
Lekin main dar gaya tha. Mera dimaag kaam nahi kar raha tha. Main sirf bhagna chahta tha wahan se. Maine uska haath chhudaya aur uthne laga toh usne kaha, “Apna number do.”
Maine socha kya hai, number de deta hoon, Maine apna number bol diya. Usne turant apna phone nikaala aur dial kiya. Mera phone baj utha. Usne check kiya ki maine sahi number diya hai ya nahi. Maine sach mein sahi number diya tha. Phone bajte hi main darwaze ki taraf bhaaga aur neeche utar gaya.
Site pe pahunchkar main kaam mein lag gaya. Lekin dimaag wahan nahi tha. Baar-baar woh scene yaad aa raha tha – uska haath, uski ungliyaan, uski aankhein. Kaam toh main kar raha tha lekin mann udaas sa tha, bechain sa tha. Soch raha tha ki kash ruk jaata, kya pata kya hota.
Kuch ghante beet gaye. Shaam ke 4 baje ka time hoga. Mera phone baja. Ek anjaan number tha. Maine uthaya.
“Hello?”
“Hello… main Suresh. Bus wala.”
Mera dil dhadakne laga. “Haan… batao, kyun phone kiya?”
“Tum wapas kab jaate ho chutti se?” usne seedha sawaal poocha.
Maine kaha, “8:30 baje.”
Woh thodi der chup raha, phir bola, “Agar bura na maano… toh 9 baje tak rukna. Main wahan aaunga. 9 baje.”
Mere munh se awaaz nahi nikli. Main kuchh keh nahi pa raha tha. Dil keh raha tha haan, dimaag keh raha tha nahi.
“Thik hai,” maine aakhir mein kaha.
Phone cut karne ke baad main bathroom ki taraf bhaaga. Mere haath kaanp rahe the. Maine apna phone nikaala, porn sites kholi, aur apni favourite video lagayi – ek ladka jo dusre ladke se chud raha tha. Main pant utari, peeche ki taraf mudha, aur apni gaand mein ungli daalni shuru kar di.
Pehli ungli, phir doosri. Tel ki jagah thook se kaam chalaaya. Aankhein band karke main Suresh ko soch raha tha. Uske haathon ko soch raha tha. Uske lund ko soch raha tha. Main jaldi-jaldi ungli andar-bahar kar raha tha, aur dusre haath se apne lund ko sahlata ja raha tha.
Kuchh hi minute mein main jhad gaya. Poora badan tharthara raha tha. Mere paanv kamzor ho gaye the. Maine saans li, pant wapas pehni, haath dhoye, aur bahar nikla.
Phir se kaam karne laga, jaise kuchh hua hi nahi ho.